


A Court of Jade and Shadows

by MissMisse



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: A Court of Thorns and Roses - Freeform, ACOTAR - Freeform, Adoption, Azriel - Freeform, Child, Court, F/M, Roses, Shadows - Freeform, Slow Burn, Wings, burn - Freeform, is baby, jade - Freeform, shadowsinger, slow, son - Freeform, thorns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23127709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMisse/pseuds/MissMisse
Summary: Azriel x reader/OCDAILY UPDATESWing clipping may be outlawed, but that doesn't mean that camps far out from the night court all obey. Follow our reader as she tries to navigate shadows without her wings, and with her son.
Relationships: Azriel (ACoTaR)/Reader, Azriel/OC, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

They took my wings. The very things that made me an Illyrian, made me whole, and they took them away. Just two little cuts dragged right along the base of the wings, and my fate was decided for me. I was ruined, to make me a more dignified lady. Prepped and ready for marriage, gone was my chance at a future of freedom. At a life of hope and wonder. I never dreamt for much, I just hoped I'd keep something of myself, just something that gave me the illusion of freedom. I was wrong.

I was nothing now. I was less than nothing. A slave to do the chores, a child bearing whore for whoever decided they wanted to mix their blood with mine. I could never fly away, never say no. I had lost those rights with my wings, lost my childhood with them too. I was to do as the males told me, and nothing else. And it broke my heart. More than anything ever could, more than I knew was possible.

Almost immediately after the clipping I was whipped for crying, for being weak and unworthy. They didn't realize it wasn't any pain that drew the salty water to my eyes, but my murdered hope, nursed all these years by tales of girls being allowed to train, wing clipping being made illegal, rights being equal. But I should have known fate is a cruel mistress, and camps on the outer edges of the territory did not bow to the high lord of the night court.

I stumbled home after the beating, covered in blood and bruises, less alive than I'd ever been, despite having been injured worse. I cleaned and wrapped my wounds, as well as bound my wings tightly out my sight. I couldn't use them, I didn't want to see them either. I didn't eat, I knew it was unlikely I would keep anything down. I sank to the floor and wept. Hours past and still I lay there, crying. For me, for all Illyrian women who went through this.

I was unlucky. Those with curvier hips, bigger busts, cleaner smiles got to choose who they wed. Or their families could, and often they picked with the same thoughts in mind. They had lines of suitors fighting each other to own the female, often leaving with the least abusive or strongest of the camp. I was not so lucky. While my hair was fair and my eyes the color of the sky, my skin was pale and marked, my body no more developed than a young girls. These were markings of bad blood, of non Illyrian blood. It offered me only one favor, the year and a half of solitude amount other unwed females, before a winged male with the cruel glint of hatred in his eye stooped to a less attractive female, in the idea of not having to fight for an object he would just abuse. A male with no intent for children, and a wife he could put down if he ever changed his mind.

Property. That's all I'd become, all I would now ever be. My husband was cruel, but not unusually so. He wanted a mindless slave, an item to keep round his house and hit when he got mad, and ignore at all other times. A vase, fragile and delicate, mere decoration. He wouldn't touch me otherwise, I wasn't what he wanted to bear his children. I was just there. So I complied with his orders, his demands, no life left in me. I gave up living, i gave up hoping for a kinder future. I contemplated throwing myself off the edge of the camp more times than I could count, ready to take myself to the next world, to freedom The only relief I had was that he was gone often, drinking and mounting females more attractive than me, better wives and women who were designed for this life. Who hadn't dreamed of a safer one. A better one.

It was another two years of this torture, this mind numbing pain before I broke fully. My mind, shattered into tiny fragments pieced a few back together by force, in the wrong order. I took pleasure in the pain gifted to me, began slicing at my wrists to relieve myself when my husband wasn't in a violent mood. Nobody noticed, I never left the house and my husband was far from attentive to me. He didn't see what he did to me and what I did to myself. I stopped eating, starving myself into an unnatural thinness, in an attempt to feel more beautiful, to have some pride. It didn't work. Every slice I made, every meal I passed, left me weaker and more hurt than before. My husband still commented cruelly on my looks, still went out and had his way with other females. It was like a weight attached to my mind, constantly pulling and pulling and pulling it down. But it felt good, because it had a feeling. I was so numb to myself and the things around me, I needed the pain, the hunger, to ground me. To make me feel.

Then war came. It came and it left, without me stepping foot outside. Men came home, bloody and injured, but mine never did. I couldn't decide if I was grateful for this, it left me alone and forgotten in his house, barely more than a child myself. But I made do. The first time I stepped outside in more than two years came, and I felt... I felt. Something. It wasn't happiness, not yet, but it was something close. I stood there, two steps outside of my house for over an hour. Just listening, just feeling. 

I had to force myself to move eventually, more life in me now than ever before. I scurried to the market to be met with the bustling square and gathered what I would need. It was time to dream again.


	2. Shattered WIngs

Three days. That's how long it took to get all the correct supplies, to pack. Nobody really knew I had no husband, so it was unlikely i would be noticed missing for a long while. But if I stayed, sooner or later they would know. escape would be hard, however without my wings… i would have to walk to my final destination. The golden city of Velaris. I knew it existed, the high lords lackey preached about it on the rare occasion he visited our camp, but I also knew it was a two day flight even after being winnowed into the mountains. I had no idea how long that would be to walk, but with the weak condition of my muscles from sitting inside for so long, I knew it would take a long while. I had supplies for two weeks, then I was on my own, with only a pair of hunting knives to help me. I had managed to get two bags, one slung over each shoulder, under the guise of gathering herbs. They couldn’t hold very much, but it would last as long as I rationed it well. The herbs I packed for walking pains and the strips of cloth for bandages in case of injury were far from complex, but they would have to suffice and were quick to apply, which was a high priority. Tomorrow, I would leave. I would be free.

I woke to a scream ripping through the night. A noise of pure pain, of such anguish it rattled the windows in their frames. It took me a long moment to process what was going on, then I was up and out of the door. My bare feet padded against the rough cobbles until I burst into the middle of the camp. I looked for the source of the sound, and sat on the steps of a large house was a female, naked as the day she was born and covered in blood. She was sobbing over an equally bloody bundle in her shaking arms, pressed tightly against her chest. I picked my way among the loose stones towards her, paused when I realized what it was that she was holding so closely. A newborn babe, silent but breathing gently, and as I looked closer I noticed why she was in the streets, why she was left to bleed. Its wings. They were shredded and malformed, holes in the skin and several tears along the edge of the limbs. I knew immediately it would never be able to fly, it would be disgraced. The female was sobbing still, clutching at the child and breathing heavily and unevenly. She must have been thrown out of her house for giving birth to this child, for not bearing a strong spawn for her husband.

She saw me and immediately sobered. She knew they would kill the babe before it had the chance to grow, to become an Illyrian.  
“They want me to kill him.” she sobbed.  
Ah, so the babe was a male. He had no chance of survival then, the woman would be expected to throw him off the cliff edge, to appease the old gods that had cursed her. I knew what I had to do, I would not let another life suffer at the hands of the brutes who believed those without wings had no rights. I would not bow beneath them when they fed lies to females, to young fae about a future destined for them. I had witnessed enough to know the mother did not destine anyone to this life, to death without a chance. I stepped towards the female once again, kneeling in front of her.  
“I'm leaving the camp, these brutes, come with me. Save your babe” My voice was hoarse from its little use, but the words were clear enough. She shook her head and stared down at the babe. He was awake and staring up, but not at her. His gaze met mine and instantly I knew even so new to this world, he was intelligent. He did not deserve death.  
“If I leave they'll come after me, they'll be after you too. I die either way.” she moved sluggishly, her words starting to slur. I realized with a start, the blood all over her was from the birth. She would die from those wounds without treatment, slowly, painfully.  
“Then let me take the babe, and get you a healer. He need not die tonight, and you need not die from injuries that are curable.”

Silence fell for several moments, and time itself seemed to slow to watch our exchange. She exhaled lightly before looking me up and down.  
“Okay.” it was said so quietly I would have missed it if I wasn't knelt so close.  
Gently, oh so gently I take the child from her arms. She hesitates before finally letting go, seemingly resigned to her fate.  
“I'll protect him as if he was from my own womb, he will grow knowing what happened here today, and I will send help to you and all the other women of this camp. This, I vow to you.” slowly a small crescent shape formed on the inside of my elbow. It pricked at first then fell silent, a permanent reminder of my promise. Her recently dried eyes dampened again and she nodded before rising, and trailing into the house behind her. I stood and looked down at the male in my arms. His emerald eyes shone up at me, the glint of intelligence still present. He would be a handful, and he would slow me down greatly. But where there is hope, there will be life. And as I started the trek home, slower now, we both hoped. For a better future, for life.

It took twice the time to get back home than it took to get to the square, and by the time I stumbled in through the door, the sky was starting to lighten. We had to leave. Soon.


	3. Reflection

I had to wait one more day, until night would fall once again. I had lost my initial chance by saving this life, and it may well have cost me my freedom. I would have to be very careful today, staying low and acting as if nothing had changed, hiding the raw excitement that threatened to bubble up and overthrow me. There was still plenty to do, and I no longer had to do any of it alone, although my new companion wasn't exactly ready to talk yet. I would get to teach him that, get to listen to him develop his own mannerisms, learn to read and write. Long lashes fluttered as the tiny male slept within my arms, something I had never expected to be able to hold, to be able to call my own. Something fluttered in my chest, a strange feeling I had not encountered before. For his blood may not be mine, but I knew. I knew from the first time I saw him that he would be mine by choice instead. He would be my son, and i would get him a better life. I would teach him the world, teach him the injustice that happened here and to his birth mother, teach him that all are equal, with or without wings. We just had to get out first.

I took very little time to prepare everything for my departure. Everything was gathered by my door and waiting by midday, both bags packed and a makeshift sling to tie my new child to my chest, to keep my hands free. I spent the day hand feeding the child wet sludge where I had mashed vegetables and berries with water, dipped a piece of cloth in and allowed him to suck on it. It was far from ideal, but I had no experience with a child, and I had no other way to feed him. The crass words of my late husband reminded me often I had very little bust and narrow hips, my body still childlike. The lack of food hasn't helped, and even now I could not handle large meals, felt ugly every time my body forced me to eat. The slashes on my arms and legs were covered as I dressed for the journey, not an inch of skin was left bare other than my face, which would soon have a thick scarf wrapped around it as well. I bore my husbands spare leathers, covered with other items of fabric to disguise what they were and to make them fit closer to my skin. I did not have the size or brawn of my late husband, but I would need the protection the scale like armour provided. I dressed the babe in as many layers as I could, wrapping him in cut up blankets and other bits of fabric I found. It wasn't much, but I did not have time to make him anything more, we had to go immediately, every second spent here was a second too long, elongating the chance of being caught. They would kill us both if we were.

Having another life to look after was nothing like I had expected, had been told to expect. He was a very quiet babe, preferring to look around with those big green eyes than to cry for any attention, as if he was aware of the danger of him doing so. He was also very small, even for a newborn. With those poor wings he made for quite a sight, they were about the size of him, but the mottled skin was too thin in some places, and entirely missing in others. If he survived it would prove his worth ten times more than any training here ever would. He may stand no chance against the others now, but just looking in those eyes I could see an intellect much greater than I ever thought possible in a fully grown fae, let alone a babe. I had no name for him, nor way to contact his birth mother. Both of us were nameless, I had renounced the name given to me when this wild plan first entered my mind. Maybe that's what drew me to him, made me think about his care so thoroughly, or maybe it was some deeply embedded motherly instinct. Either way I knew there was nothing I would not do to protect the small bundle in my arms. Nothing.

As darkness fell I double checked the supplies I had packed. Two weeks worth for just me, but how long would it last with a babe? I would have to be fast, for I did not know much about foraging, and i couldn't work out how yet to feed the child meats, he was much too young to be able to take solid foods. I would have to learn fast, for I did not have the money for more supplies, and I didnt want more people to remember my existence. It was time to leave, and I wanted no strings, bar the one with my newfound son.  
I slung both bags overy my shoulders, one resting on each hip, and bound the child tightly against my torso. This would be a long journey, and it would not be an easy one for either of us. I knew the risks, my inexperience in the world around me would get us killed if i was lucky, a beast would tear me limb from limb if not. But I would do it, had to do it, for me, and for the emerald eyes that now looked up in wonder. I looked around my prison one last time. These walls had caged me for long enough, brought me enough pain that I was still held by the addiction of it. For us, I took those first steps out the door, both of us breathing deeply in the night air, the scent of freedom was strong. This would be the hardest part, the initial escape.


	4. Escape

I shut the oak door behind me, leaving behind the only life I'd ever known, a world of pain and humiliation. It wasn't much of a life at all. taking light steps and being careful to stay low and quiet I began the quest of true freedom. Pausing I looked down at the new life on my chest and silently pleaded for him to remain quiet, his emerald eyes seemed to glint with silent understanding. He would be a wise young man, I would make sure of it. Shadows seemed to bend and warp around me, parting and reforming at every step. It felt like i was being watched, although after carefully looking around nobody could possibly be doing so. I was being paranoid about what could happen, I reasoned to myself. After a few steps I grew used to the shadows, they cloaked me and hid me well, as if protecting me, trying to aid me in the journey I was about to take. They felt safe.

Carefully slinking into the shadows I made my way to the edge of the camp. I passed the house where I discovered my son and my heart broke at the flag of mourning that billowed out the window. His birth mother had not survived. Whether it was from her wounds or the trauma of what happened, I would never know. The child seemed to realise my distress, for his eyes began to water. I hushed him gently and began moving once again, it felt like the shadows were watching now, less protective and more curious, as if they were aware of what was afoot. I would have to scale part of the clifface before I made it to a section I could walk on. The logistics of doing that safely with the child strapped tightly to my chest… it would be difficult to say the least. I weighed up the costs of what could happen if something went wrong, but with no other way out, we had no choice but to do it. The reward of future freedom far outdid any risk possible.

It took almost ten minutes of careful steps to make my way to the camp exit, the cave it was built into was entirely designed to keep flightless females like me trapped well inside its malicious jaws. It hurt my pride and my mind to think about all those who had come before me, and those too brainwashed by the males around them to realize their potential. None of them would ever smell freedom, used as little more than breeding stock. I was so desperate to escape this life I would risk it in the process. It was no place for those less than the perfect male, those without perfect blood or body were cast out and left for dead, or tortured until their bodies or minds could take no more. It was a cruel world and one far from perfect, and it was not a world I was willing to live in any longer.

As I passed one of the final houses before my exit a light from within the building, stopping me dead in my tracks. The shadows around me swarmed up and over and as a young female opened the door. Time paused for a few devastatingly long moments, as I prayed to every Old God I could remember, hoping she would stay silent. She didn't seem to even notice me as she moved to throw some vegetable peelings into the plant pots at the front of the house. As she turned around to head back inside, I saw her wings had been clipped too, yet she seemed safer in her place here. I could not save her as well, and tears threatened to well in my eyes at the thought. But I had to move, and after the door shut i blinked away the tears to continue my escape.

I navigated my way to the ledge above the cliff, sat above it and very carefully swung my legs over the side. I would have to be slow and very, very careful. This was the part most likely to kill me, if I was able to pull this off without being caught. I rummaged through my bags and found the soft leather sheaths containing my only weapon. I turned and used my two hunting knives to sink into the gaps between the rough stones making up the cliff edge and began to make my descent. The fall wasn't long enough to kill, but it would almost certainly break both my legs were I to falter. I didn't look down, keeping my gaze firmly fixed on the smaller face before me, and after a terrifying five minutes of climbing, my feet touched the grassy terrain for the first time.

We were finally out. Hot salty tears began to slowly drip down my face, I was so overwhelmed by the idea, the reality that I was now free. I was now in charge of my own life, of the life sleeping gently against my chest. Free to run and dance and sing, to live life as I willed it, to bring up my son in a world where his life will not be decided by his lineage or his stature. The shadows around us seemed to writhe and move, winding around my torso and along my arms, drawing goosebumps where they touched. They were curious things but not malicious, with minds of their own. I welcomed them and allowed them to engulf me, too busy being occupied trying to comprehend the idea that my nightmare was finally over. That I was free. That we were free for I was no longer alone in this world. I had a reason to live now, a reason to try and make each day a better one. For my son, I would name him Levri. I would grant his name on the night of this freedom and I would take my own as well. Cylle and Levri. Our new family would immigrate to the starlight city of Velaris. We would survive, and more importantly, together, we would thrive.


	5. Wilderness

Something happened with the shadows that were continuously swirling around me. The world was suddenly cold, like ice had just been blown down my spine. They raced up my legs and along my arms, consuming my torso and my face faster than my mind could process. It felt like I was floating, then zooming forward faster than possible, but without actually moving anywhere. One moment I was stood in the normal world grounded in reality, and the next... it was as if everything was hidden behind a thick layer of icy black fog. It only lasted a brief second, less time than it took for me to blink, and after I was thrown out I could have sworn it was just a mirage. My overactive mind playing cruel tricks on me. I barely processed anything of the experience but I strongly recall that there was a pair of harsh hazel eyes that met mine from what felt like an impossible distance away. No visible emotion in them, but the gaze felt curious, surprised. I was too.

Then I was back in my usual reality, the hard shadows that had been shifting and curling around me retreating back into the unknown depths of the night as fast as they had consumed me. I immediately felt alone as they withdrew, like a person had just left my presence, the assistance in my escape complete. I blinked quickly, still not entirely sure what had happened, whether it would happen again and I would be taken back into the world of shadow, or if my mind was playing tricks on me in the dark. I concluded the latter, that my mind was so overwhelmed by its newfound freedom that it had lied about where I was, fogged over my brain. I looked down and those big green eyes attached to my chest. They seemed to shine up at me, as if he knew better, that it was real. I chose to ignore them.

It was still dark where I stood, the actual act of escaping taking much less time than I had accounted for. It was best that I started walking now, if I kept a quick and consistent pace I would make it to my destination faster, and I could rest fully once I was there. Until then small naps in the early evening would and dawn would have to suffice, enough to keep me functional and still alert to my surroundings, but little enough that minimal time would be wasted. I had little to do but think while I was walking, although the paranoia that someone would notice my house standing empty and come after me kept be busy for a short while. However it quickly wore off and I had little to do but observe my surroundings, and dwell on the growing pains in my legs. I walked until the sun peeked her head over the distant horizon, and then some more, until Levri's unrest alerted me that he needed to stop for food. I would need to regulate these breaks carefully, for my lacking diet had led to my ability to feel hunger to become somewhat distorted, and Levri would need to be feed every few hours anyway.

It took longer than i thought to take him out of the contraption strapping him to my torso, I would not have time to take him out every time he needed to be fed, but often enough to stop his limbs getting sore by risking the fabric of the sling digging into him. I gently packed the fabric of the sling away in one of my bags, then placed Levri softly on the ground as i swung both bags off my shoulders for a much needed rest. I pulled a seperate piece of cloth out of one of the bags and after rummaging around I found some of the root veg I had already mashed and placed into jars. I fed Levri first, making sure he was happy and as clean as I could get him provided our situation. He kept quiet throughout the whole ordeal, watching me and giggling as I pulled faces at him. I ate too, a small piece of bread and some of the veg mush, trying to get all the needed nutrients with as little eating as possible. I felt an urge itch at me to draw a blade across my skin, and after fighting it for the duration of our walk, I turned away from Levri and did it as cleanly as possible, aware of the small child's eyes on my back, and the frown on his face. I packed up quickly after that, with the sling tied back against my chest I lowered Levri into it and bound him against me once again.

After the break I started walking again, the rough terrain making me slower than I would have liked. It would take more than my expected two weeks with the additional weight and limited mobility slowing me down. I passed all kinds of trees and flora, Levri looking and analyzing everything he could cast his greedy gaze on. He slept intermittently, never much more than a few hours, but I presumed that was normal behaviour for a babe his age. Without any past experience, and nobody to ask, I was left with my own intuition. He wasn't heavy, more inconvenient to carry on my front, but it would take a second person for me to be able to strap him to my back without risking damage to either of our wings. I still held the hope that his may repair themselves and strengthen with age, although deep down I knew it was unlikely. Even so I took great care with him, ensuring his wings were safely bound out of his way and mine, so they would not bang against anything we walked past.

Days passed following this format, the seemingly endless hike taking its toll on the little used muscles in my legs, creating a near constant burning sensation that no matter what herb I chewed or tried to rub in, what bindings I tried, I could not overcome it. Yet I pushed through it, welcoming the pain as if it were a sign I was still alive. Evidence I could now go where I pleased, when I pleased. Proof of my freedom from the bondage of my camp. I also spoke aloud as often as I could manage to bite down on the pain, telling Levri stories of the old gods, tales of woe and strife from heroes long passed. I sang old folk songs, recounted the night I found him so many times I had an exact story memorised. Many curious animals seemed to stop to listen, following us in a group around us as if to protect us and the tales I bore. It was incredibly strange at first, and for the first few days I would stop whenever an animal strayed too close. but I soon grew used to the herds of doe that would walk alongside us to the closest river, the birds that would sing in unison to the melodies of my tales, even the occasional predator that would walk by my side, It was as if nature itself was invested in the lives and tales of the Fae that lives among it, and the deeds they had enacted.

Eventually my supplies began to run low, the food having been consumed much faster between the two of us, the bandages used to wrap my shoes to hold them together after being worn down so much by the significant amount of walking I had undertaken. My bags may have been lighter, but my moral was starting to dip. Looking at how far my original mountain was behind us, we couldn't be much more than half way to our final destination. No where near what I had predicted, I should have been at the second set of mountains by now, nearing the city of stars I knew was hidden beyond it. I would have to figure out how to forage before we could go much further, I knew I could recognize certain mushrooms in the local terrain that had been sold back at my camp, and I could have certainly recognized some of the roots half buried as ones i had grown in my own garden. Some of them were bitter and had very little in terms of nutrients, and the mushrooms seemed okay but I had no idea what they tasted like, or how to prepare them safely. It would be best to cook anything I found thoroughly and, I reasoned, to cook out any potential poisons. It would elongate our journey by a fair bit, but there wasn't much else I could do. I had already cut down my rations to as little as possible, but I wasn't prepared to sacrifice any of Levri's food, he needed as much as I could give him in the absence of milk.


	6. Eyes

To your surprise, the foraging was a modest success. Every two days I would stop, gather mushrooms and herbs and anything else I could that seemed edible in bulk, cook them and then resume walking. I tested everything on myself and allowed a day or two to pass before Levri had any, just to be certain if anyone got sick it would be me. Not that it would do him any good if I fell sick anyway. It slowed me down a lot less than expected, only losing a few hours every time I stopped. But it would add up. What I had planned to be a two week trip had reached almost two months now, time becoming increasingly hard to keep track of. But everytime I seemed to close my eyes to get as much rest as my short breaks would allow me, all I could picture was a pair of Hazel eyes, of shadows swirling around me. It was like a permanent image etched into my mind, tucked away to greet me whenever I paused to rest or eat. They were a mystery to me, I could not distinguish anything about them. Not a gender, age, nothing. They were blank and cold, but full of so many emotions at the same time.

I knew we were close to our final destination. I knew as soon as I reached the base of the final mountain to climb, the last hill in our long journey. However, there were camps covering the harsh edges of those cliffs, hidden for now but putting both me and my son at risk. There was no option, no other solution or way around. I would have to hide my wings, and Levri’s too. I would need to glamour them, act as if they were never there, and it would need to be a permanent decision. It would be seen as a final act of rebellion by my people, and I knew neither of us would ever be able to return to any camp after. It hurt, to loose part of me, a part that sparked so much feeling when I lost the ability to use them, I would now be loosing them fully, forever. I would be taking them from my son too. The difference was stark, this was done out of necessity, not out of cruelty.

As we reached the final few trees I paused, ready. It would be disowning my people, dishonoring my very ancestors, but I did it. I knowingly, willingly, made myself worthless in the eyes of my people. No, not my people anymore, the illyrians. I was not one of them anymore. I could still feel them, but so tightly bound against my back they wouldnt come in contact with anyone unless they touched my back. I did the same to Levri, binding his tattered wings gently against his back, tears slowly dribbling down my face as I did so. It couldn't be helped, I kept repeating to myself, this crime against both of us wasnt optional, it was survival. As my tears split those shadows that had assisted in my escape were back, writhing around me. I was more aware of myself this time, better mentally than I was during my first encounter with them, and able to process the fear before once again that black fog covered my eyes, taking Levri away with it. I panicked for a brief moment, before he appeared again in my arms, giggling. Strange child. For a moment I wondered if it was he who was causing these shadows, some repressed power and it worried me, would he be able to control it? How would he get training? Pondering I paused, trying to grow accustomed with the idea that most fae did not train their young as the Illyrians did. It was a strange concept, what did they do if not train them? Was it the parents responsibility? did they get sent somewhere to be shown how to function?

Growing slightly more comfortable that Levri wouldn't disappear as soon as I took my eyes off him, I looked up. It took me a moment to adjust to the shadowy darkness, then I made out a distinctive pair of Hazel's that eyes stared at me again, so much closer now. Getting closer and closer, as if running at me, yet I could not make out the rest of the person, the shade too thick around them. It wasn't in a straight line, almost as if they were dodging and weaving around objects, not the shadowy realm you were trapped in. I panicked, looking around rapidly for somewhere to run, my arms tightening around Levri. But before they reached me I was back out of the shadows, although one still moved lazily along my arm, as if wanting to play. I was panting heavily, and sat on the leaf covered floor of the edge of the forest trying to force down the panic threatening to overwhelm me. This was something that had started happening since I had left, my whole body would be overcome with fear, although usually it had no obvious source, and usually led for an early nights rest.

I watched as it twined around my wrist and my fingers, before it slunk away with the rest of them. The shadows were kind to me, had helped when I was entirely alone, the initial fear of them had subsided quickly, after I realized they meant no harm. Yet those eyes, they were coming. And I couldn't tell why, or what the person behind them wanted. Sheer terror ebbed in my chest, and I began moving again, faster than my previous gruelling pace. The shadows may have had good intent, but I could not make out a single emotion in those eyes. I was so used to being able to read people, to tell their intent that the cold gaze scared me, more than I was willing to admit to anyone, myself included. Unknown to me, those eyes flickered and watched further.


	7. Rain

This would be the make or break point of my journey. I knew the city was surrounded by wards, although as far as I knew they would allow those looking for refuge entry. Atleast, that's what the illyrian from inside preached when he visited once before. But there was a range of mountains standing between us, and our new life. I would have to climb to the top and back down again, on too little food and inadequate sleep. Worse, I would need to do it without my wings, my balance already off from being unable to see the familiar limbs across my back, Levri too looked disgruntled by the lack of wings on himself. Shifting on the floor I decided first we would sleep, it would be safer to do so here than on the rocky cliffs, and if things went how I wanted them too, I wouldn’t sleep again until we reached Velaris. Yet I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of being watched. It didn’t feel malicious, just curious, patient. It was more of a comfort than something to fear, and I just assumed it was one of the animals, perhaps something big like a large deer watching over and waiting for a story. I obliged, I would tell one to Levri anyway, to settle him to be calm before I rested. I decided on reciting how he came to be with me, it would be important to normalise this to him, I knew that. I would never be his birth mother, but he needed to know he was just as loved, just as deserving of love, as anyone else. I told him how no matter what others may find wrong in him, I would always love and cherish. I drifted off mid-story, Levri already fast asleep in my arms.

We slept for a few hours, until the sun was on the second part of its long journey west. That feeling of being watched was still there, ever present now even as I began to climb the foothills of the mountain. I was weaker than I was willing to admit, and I had no plans for what I would do when we reached the city, maybe try to find work in a tavern in exchange for a fireplace to sleep next to? It would be a nice change I realized, to not sleep on the stony dirt floor of the forest. Levri would get proper food, although he’d grown quite large in the few months spent with me, I was concerned the food I had been able to get for him, hadn’t been enough. I sang as I climbed, the trail at this part of the mountain well defined and easy to walk. It was some old lullaby, something about glowing flowers and healing. I didn't pay much attention to the words I was singing, just the ever increasing incline of the slope we were treading, and the darkening clouds covering the sky. It would rain, and it would rain hard. I had to hope we would make it to the otherside before the rain fell, or this last leg of our journey would become a lot more difficult.

As the sky darkened the clouds opened up, a constant pour that got increasingly heavy. It had been years since I had seen a storm this large, the air practically electric. I would need to find shelter, even if it was just a nook sheltered from the wind, we would not be able to reach the peak in the dark under the weather. I cursed, so close to our goal and we were put off right at the end, but one more night out here would do us little harm. I could hardly see six feet in front of me, as I grappled blindly against the rock beside me. I knew there was a cave along here, I had been eyeing it since it first came into view about an hour ago. It would be cold and chances are something lived inside, but there was no other choice. It was either the cave or be washed back down the mountain.

I stumbled into the gap into the rock, which was little more than a shallow inlay. It would do, at the very least I wouldn't have to fight off any animal from inside. The wind screamed just past the rocky walls, icy cold with sleet like rain thundering along with it. We would be trapped here until the storm let up, and it showed no signs of doing so soon. But it was cold, dangerously so. My eyes were drooping already from the sheer exhaustion of getting this far, but sleeping in this state was very risky, and it wasn't one I could take. For the first time Levri began to cry, a soft noise that was barely noticeable under the howling outside. It broke my heart. Shattered it like glass to see him so distraught. Some primal instinct urged me to take him to safety, but I was helpless to do so. This was the first time I had heard him cry, and I hated it.

We laid huddling against the back of the cave with Levri at my front, pushed against the wall to protect him as best I could, when the feeling of being watched vanished. Or, changed. There was someone else here I realized. I tried to look with bleary eyes, only to be able to make out a tall figure, a winged figure I realized too late as it moved closer. I huddled smaller, wrapping myself protectively around the small world in my arms. They seemed to realize this and knelt down next to us, silently giving us company, laying a soft gaze upon us. A male, I realized foggily. The cold was getting to me, my legs were numb and my mind blissfully blank. It was wrong, some small part of me pushed, to feel warm like this, to be so cold it didn't feel cold anymore. Slowly I unfurled, looking down once again at the child in my arms. He was small, yes, but sturdy. However he would freeze too, unless the stranger would help us. I didn’t trust him, couldn’t, for my experience was too damaging, too recent for me to be able to let my guard down, but sleep was dragging me into its grasp, and I knew if I fell into it, chances were high that I would not see the other side of it. The male seemed to understand this, and moved to shield you both from as much of the weather as he could. He would be trapped here too, unable to fly without being thrown about by the wind. The shadows seemed to wrap around the male, and started to curl up my arms. I smiled slightly looking at them, they were strange, but somehow comforting running along my skin.

The male moved closer pressing his body along mine to try share his body heat. He made no move towards Levri, instead dragging his cloak around to cover him, wrapping his arms loosely around us. The panic began to well up inside me again, and my heart rate sped up. Soon both my mind and body were screaming to move, fight or flight kicking in, but I lacked the energy to struggle against the cold that held me. The male seemed to notice this, his face looking down at us and slowly he began tracing shadows down and along my arms, trying to calm me down. I tried to look up at him but couldn’t, all energy drained. I needed rest, and it was going to take me, willing or not.


End file.
